Hi,
I'm fed up. I'm fed up with having a psycho arm, I'm fed up with pain dictating what I can and can't do and I'm fed up of have teachers talking down to me because of this and not understanding. Ughhhhh I've had enough.
Today I made a promise that I'm not sugar coating anything anymore 'cause what's the point? Why hide what you feel like and then nothing happens to change it? I don't care if its going to change what I'm like- I need to start being real.
To be honest I feel sorry for some of my teachers. Like they put so much effort into lesson planing and then they have to change it all to be inclusive and it's like a rush of panic to their brain, and it's all because of me- the one that has to do things differently. I bet they hate changing the lessons because they are stretched thinly enough with this stupid government in charge. Honestly I take my imaginary hat off to them.
Today I realised that pain really decides whether or not I can do something. Like I've noticed it for a while now but what really scares me is that at the end of the day I 'can't wait' - not the right way to put it- to have a paracetamol to stop it. I mean I'm 12 years old not 88 why is it that bad? I shouldn't need it like that. Now before you all think yeah but I have a disability and stuff but do you really think that I want to be different- I have that enough already.
And you know what I'm so stubbornly ashamed about? Sitting out in stuff like PE. I know it's the stubborn cow side of me but I feel like I'm waste doing it. I should be doing what everyone else is in my head I can and it's not like I'm using the disability card to get out of it, it's just the claw of pain pins me down and I can't. I absolutely hate it because for me, I would never want to get out of something at school, yes I'm a geek, teachers pet or whatever but I enjoy learning, so sitting out is so out of character in my head. I'm not one to have many worse enemies but for the few I do have I wouldn't even wish it on them. So that's what it really feels like.
It's funny that my best mate thinks I'm upset all the time, nah it's just pain.
Wow that's a rant and a half (wasn't meant to be) !
Byeeeeeeeeee
Look Ruthie, you are the way you are, and you've just got to accept it :) and I know it can be hard with your disability but teachers should be prepared for all types of students, and if you feel like your wasting their time - you shouldn't. Because they should be more organised and prepared for certain students that are less able to do certain activities than others. X
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI publish an Australian website on disability news and opinion at:
https://mydisabilitymatters.com.au
and was wondering if it might be okay to republish this article and any other relevant ones on our website, with appropriate credit and a link back of course.
It would help spread your work and gain a wider audience for you.
Hope we can work together and I am quite happy to publish other articles you may have written that aren't on your blog also.
Thanks,
Dale.
P.S. Heard about your blog from your parent (forget if Mum or Dad!) on a disability mailing list.
Hi Dale,
DeleteI've had a quick look at your site and I feel it would be the perfect place to showcase a few of my articles to a wider viewing audience. My mum who is also disabled also feels the same way.
If you would like to contact either me or her about it please can you use the email that she sent my link on.
I can't wait to see your site when its officially launched, hopefully with some of my stuff on!
Many thanks,
Ruthie/the cerebral palsy blogger
Hi Ruthie. Its Hannah. This is a great blog and I really understand you. My brother is disabled and it is really hard. Hw cant go to the toilet and can hardly speak. Sometimes, it gets really hard and tough.
ReplyDeleteyou're wonderful. you can't help the way you are, just accept it! pain is very annoying but you're strong and you can get through it x
ReplyDelete