Hi,
Okay,
Why do some people still think that people fake having disabilities?
I personally have never heard of someone faking their disability to get special accommodations or 'treatment' as some may put it. We constantly are fighting a losing battle to prove ourselves of our disabilities in order to get the support/accommodations we need for school, work and everyday life, especially when the PWD has an invisible disability that others don't realise because they 'don't look disabled'.
Of course accusing someone of faking a disabilities, especially an invisible on, is being ableist and harmful towards that individual! As a member of the general public it is not your place to ask for evidence, such as audiologist graphs for proof of deafness or to see medication for depression, you aren't helping them. (It sounds far-fetched, it does happen!)
By doing this sort of thing it's making it harder for PWDs to advocate themselves BECAUSE they are wasting their time trying to prove they have disabilities, instead of focusing on improving accessibility and spreading awareness.
Even IF that particular person was lying, let that part of the disabled community handle it themselves! It's not any other person's place to generalise that all people with that certain disability are lying from that point onwards.
We don't need, nor want generalisation to shadow our community.
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Friday, 6 May 2016
Wednesday, 27 April 2016
PSA: wheelchair users...........
Hi,
This is going to only short PSA (public service announcement) but it's very important too realise and I've mentioned it in previous post but I feel on behalf of the disabled community, I need to re-empathise this.
Wheelchairs are uses for ambiguous reason aside from paralysis, it could be very painful for that person to walk, it could be due to over tiredness, not have the strength to walk, hyperflexibility, shortness of breath/low lung capacity, fragility of the muscle, joints or skin.
People stop harassing wheelchair users when they stand up and walk with out the aid of the chair in public! They're not trying to get attention, they're not even trying to impress you- they are purely trying to do their day to day business, likewise to you, and it is not your place to determine whether or not that person needs an mobility aid, such as a wheelchair.
You aren't a doctor- and trust me, they know their needs a hella lot better than you will.
Thanks Sincerely,
The semi-wheelchair user community
PSA/Rant concluded- you are free to go!
Byeeeeeeeeeee
This is going to only short PSA (public service announcement) but it's very important too realise and I've mentioned it in previous post but I feel on behalf of the disabled community, I need to re-empathise this.
Wheelchairs are uses for ambiguous reason aside from paralysis, it could be very painful for that person to walk, it could be due to over tiredness, not have the strength to walk, hyperflexibility, shortness of breath/low lung capacity, fragility of the muscle, joints or skin.
People stop harassing wheelchair users when they stand up and walk with out the aid of the chair in public! They're not trying to get attention, they're not even trying to impress you- they are purely trying to do their day to day business, likewise to you, and it is not your place to determine whether or not that person needs an mobility aid, such as a wheelchair.
You aren't a doctor- and trust me, they know their needs a hella lot better than you will.
Thanks Sincerely,
The semi-wheelchair user community
PSA/Rant concluded- you are free to go!
Byeeeeeeeeeee
Friday, 22 April 2016
25 facts about me.......
Hi,
So I've hit 10k views on my blog and to celebrate
I've decided to do a 25 facts about me post as there is a lot of new
readers on here so what a better time for you lot to get to know me?
I just want to thank all of you for reading these weird trails of thoughts and lets hope there will be many to come!
25 facts about moi
1. Zodiac sign?
I'm an Aries and I feel I fit my traits extremely accurately
2. 3 fears?
I'm claustrophobic, scared of confrontation in some way and I'm scared of being lonely
3. 3 things I love?
My friends and family, studying (not necessarily school) and blogging
4. My best friend?
Well I have around four close friends and they all read my blog- I ain't doing favouritism
5. The last song I listened to?
Either 'Daddy' by Emeli Sandé or 'uninspired' by Lucy Spraggan
6. The reason I started to blog?
To make people aware of ableism from the perspective of a teenager with a physical disability 'cause sometimes hearing it from an able-bodied so called disablity expert don't cut it!
7. How I feel right now?
Alright I guess
8. Something I really want?
FOOD or MONEY just kidding I don't really know
9. Current relationship status?
Single and I don't really want to change that at the moment
10. My favourite movie?
Probably the divergent series
11. My favourite songs?
Basically anything by Lucy Spraggan
12. My favourite artist?
Lucy Spraggan (how could you guess!)
13. 3 things that upset me?
When
people are treated unfairly, when people use ableist slurs without
understanding how harmful they can be to people and when people
patronise me.
14. 3 things that make me happy?
Friends
and family, some aspects of school (yes, yes I'm the geek and teachers
pet, can't help it!) and blogging my opinions I guess
15. Some one I miss?
A friend with the nickname Ralph
16. 3 things that annoy me?
Any form of ableist language coming from my friends, patronising people, when people assume stuff about me
17. One thing I've lied about?
I don't lie but like maybe about my age
18. Something that's constantly on my mind?
School work or someone (not telling who)
19. My future goals?
To stick at blogging and advocacy and to educate my generation about ableism
20. Do I want tattoos?
Yeah/maybe they have to mean something that's permanent for me to get one, so probably it will be something disability related
21. Something I believe in?
Equality: no matter what race, sexuality or difference
22. Favourite quote?
'No amount of smiling at a flight of stairs has ever made it turn into a ramp'- Stella Young
23.First thing I notice in a person?
If they are trustworthy or not
24. Favourite subject?
RE or English
25. Random
I can't really properly lie to people I know who have brown hair and blue eyes face to face for some reason
So that's my 25 facts and another Huge thanks for 10,000 views I mean I'm not that interesting, surely?
Anyway
Byeeeeeeeeeeee
Tuesday, 19 April 2016
Wheelchair observations
Hi,
So you won't be aware but I've sprained my ankle last week and the doctor has said 'Don't be a hero' and 'Use your wheelchair when in pain' now neither of those are very natural to me anymore and today I'm going to be focusing on the wheelchair side of things from my perspective. Here's a list of funny/awkward things that I've noticed happen when I'm in the chair.
1. Higher voices.
Whenever I'm in my chair it seems that people's vocal range changes, as soon as I am sat down their voices go an octave higher. I probably just being paranoid but I see it all the time.
2. Rookie drivers
I'm always surrounded with really helpful people, which I'm really thankful for by the way, but it seems like as soon as they get hold of the handles- it's like formula one. I'm either going 1000 miles per hour or I'm going to end up getting flipped out of my chair. And you know who the worst are at doing this? Teachers 100 percent (but that's a whole different blogpost)
3. Crowds
The most annoying thing ever! Why, you ask? Think very carefully, where is my head in comparison to a relativity tall person...... Yeah..... That gives another meaning to the word butt-head
4. Lifts
Yes, I get that there are lifts in most buildings but trying to get to them is the hard part. With my luck (note I sprained my ankle the day before my birthday) I'm in a class room that is across the entire school from a lift and I have to push myself all the way there or the lift directly next to the classroom is out of order; even worse I'll get stuck in a lift at school, like last year, again another story.
5. Conversations
Now I'm a tall person, 5ft 9 with boots, so I understand this from both sides. So whenever I'm talking to someone who is walking and is fully standing, especially when it's busy, it just seems like a eternity of 'what?! say that again' or 'pardon' (depending on who I'm with!) I am not the sort of person to repeat over and over again and that's why I'm an antisocial semi-wheelchair using teenager - I give up!
6. The 'you can actually walk face'
OMG, call the press I'm a wheelchair user that, you may want to sit down for this- it's shocking, CAN walk! (Such the con-artist!) WOW can you believe some people use chairs for other reasons than they can't physically walk? The funny thing about this is I normally stand up mid push and looking around there's at least one person who hasn't scraped their jaw off the floor. Must be a miracle, huh?!
Most of these are just jokey, don't take it that seriously and for people who know me, these aren't meant to be aimed towards anyone- just some generalisations.
Byeeeeeeeeee
So you won't be aware but I've sprained my ankle last week and the doctor has said 'Don't be a hero' and 'Use your wheelchair when in pain' now neither of those are very natural to me anymore and today I'm going to be focusing on the wheelchair side of things from my perspective. Here's a list of funny/awkward things that I've noticed happen when I'm in the chair.
1. Higher voices.
Whenever I'm in my chair it seems that people's vocal range changes, as soon as I am sat down their voices go an octave higher. I probably just being paranoid but I see it all the time.
2. Rookie drivers
I'm always surrounded with really helpful people, which I'm really thankful for by the way, but it seems like as soon as they get hold of the handles- it's like formula one. I'm either going 1000 miles per hour or I'm going to end up getting flipped out of my chair. And you know who the worst are at doing this? Teachers 100 percent (but that's a whole different blogpost)
3. Crowds
The most annoying thing ever! Why, you ask? Think very carefully, where is my head in comparison to a relativity tall person...... Yeah..... That gives another meaning to the word butt-head
4. Lifts
Yes, I get that there are lifts in most buildings but trying to get to them is the hard part. With my luck (note I sprained my ankle the day before my birthday) I'm in a class room that is across the entire school from a lift and I have to push myself all the way there or the lift directly next to the classroom is out of order; even worse I'll get stuck in a lift at school, like last year, again another story.
5. Conversations
Now I'm a tall person, 5ft 9 with boots, so I understand this from both sides. So whenever I'm talking to someone who is walking and is fully standing, especially when it's busy, it just seems like a eternity of 'what?! say that again' or 'pardon' (depending on who I'm with!) I am not the sort of person to repeat over and over again and that's why I'm an antisocial semi-wheelchair using teenager - I give up!
6. The 'you can actually walk face'
OMG, call the press I'm a wheelchair user that, you may want to sit down for this- it's shocking, CAN walk! (Such the con-artist!) WOW can you believe some people use chairs for other reasons than they can't physically walk? The funny thing about this is I normally stand up mid push and looking around there's at least one person who hasn't scraped their jaw off the floor. Must be a miracle, huh?!
Most of these are just jokey, don't take it that seriously and for people who know me, these aren't meant to be aimed towards anyone- just some generalisations.
Byeeeeeeeeee
Wednesday, 6 April 2016
A poem: them
Hi,
So something you may not know about me is that I like to write poems. I don't know why but I just do, and they are probably all really bad and cringey. They are mostly just random and I just write, likewise with blogging, and basically see what happens to be honest.
This Poem is quite deep and it is basically my view on the UK government and what they are doing within the disabled community, although it doesn't really portray that very well.
So here is my attempt of a poem:
Them
By the CP blogger/Ruthie Hayward
They label me,
categorically organise me,
They place me in the suffocating box afar from my reality,
They are afraid of my definition chains,
of my difference from the norm in our corrupt society,
Their propaganda says we aren't pure and idealistic perfection,
So we are to blame for their criminal inflictions,
That we brought it on ourselves,
The knife of their cuts, their first weapon of choice,
Some are stranded- without a voice,
Alone and abandoned by our leaders,
A running man without sneakers,
How on earth did they get power,
And when so many are suffering in the darkest hours,
The hardships my community face,
Well, we can't keep up with your sick game of chase,
They will continue to label me,
To categorically organise me,
They will carry on to place me in the suffocating box afar from my reality,
They still are afraid of my definition chains,
Of my differences,
Of what makes me me,
The D word,
And you have no idea,
Because of them,
You have no idea.
categorically organise me,
They place me in the suffocating box afar from my reality,
They are afraid of my definition chains,
of my difference from the norm in our corrupt society,
Their propaganda says we aren't pure and idealistic perfection,
So we are to blame for their criminal inflictions,
That we brought it on ourselves,
The knife of their cuts, their first weapon of choice,
Some are stranded- without a voice,
Alone and abandoned by our leaders,
A running man without sneakers,
How on earth did they get power,
And when so many are suffering in the darkest hours,
The hardships my community face,
Well, we can't keep up with your sick game of chase,
They will continue to label me,
To categorically organise me,
They will carry on to place me in the suffocating box afar from my reality,
They still are afraid of my definition chains,
Of my differences,
Of what makes me me,
The D word,
And you have no idea,
Because of them,
You have no idea.
I hope you like it,
Byeeeeeeeee
Friday, 1 April 2016
Pathetic sob stories
Hi,
This is a weird blog post for me to write because it could be perceived as me B**ching (woo I swore sorry) about the disabled community, it's not. My blog, my opinion- just saying.
You know what I absolutely hate? When parents/guardians of PWDs use their children's disabilities as a sob story. Okay, I understand that finding out and diagnostic tests can be traumatic experiences and I totally get that medical terminology is like an alien language; what I don't get is when parents take it a bit too far and use it to draw sympathy and attention to themselves and make it out like they live such a hard life all because their child has a disability.
So before you even consider having a child, you should be ready to handle a disabled child, twins, or a child who has a different sexuality to you. 'Cause if you're not ready to 'cope' with a child who isn't straight/cis or able bodied/ Neurotypical, they are going to be, in one form or another, abused for many years to come.
And even if you get the 'dream' baby you may have a feminine boy or a masculine girl, you need to be able to let them be who they are not how you imagined them to be- they aren't your property.
I am so fed up with and tired of parental sob stories about how 'hard' it is to 'raise' who is different from the perfect or norm.
You know what's harder then those pathetic sob stories? The child knowing that they have almost let down their parents for existing in a way their parents didn't ask for and worse living knowing that they weren't what their parents were planning or expecting. And for so many people this is the reality however unrealistic it may seem.
Let's let that sink in
Byeeeeeeeee
This is a weird blog post for me to write because it could be perceived as me B**ching (woo I swore sorry) about the disabled community, it's not. My blog, my opinion- just saying.
You know what I absolutely hate? When parents/guardians of PWDs use their children's disabilities as a sob story. Okay, I understand that finding out and diagnostic tests can be traumatic experiences and I totally get that medical terminology is like an alien language; what I don't get is when parents take it a bit too far and use it to draw sympathy and attention to themselves and make it out like they live such a hard life all because their child has a disability.
So before you even consider having a child, you should be ready to handle a disabled child, twins, or a child who has a different sexuality to you. 'Cause if you're not ready to 'cope' with a child who isn't straight/cis or able bodied/ Neurotypical, they are going to be, in one form or another, abused for many years to come.
And even if you get the 'dream' baby you may have a feminine boy or a masculine girl, you need to be able to let them be who they are not how you imagined them to be- they aren't your property.
I am so fed up with and tired of parental sob stories about how 'hard' it is to 'raise' who is different from the perfect or norm.
You know what's harder then those pathetic sob stories? The child knowing that they have almost let down their parents for existing in a way their parents didn't ask for and worse living knowing that they weren't what their parents were planning or expecting. And for so many people this is the reality however unrealistic it may seem.
Let's let that sink in
Byeeeeeeeee
Friday, 25 March 2016
So I found this...........
Hi,
Couple of things before I start:
Uno- this blog now has an Instagram, go follow @theCPblogger for updates (And there is a link at the bottom as well)
Dos- I am FINALLY on Easter break whoop-whoop!
Tres- we've only gone and got 6k views.....PARRRRRRRTTTTTYYYYYYYY. THANKS YOU LOT!
Now lets get on with this...
Okay, so before I properly started blogging, I entered a writing competition and nothing really came about it; so the other day I was looking at my entry and well its quite something. All I'm going say is that we were given the brief it had to be based on an experience or opinion.......
Couple of things before I start:
Uno- this blog now has an Instagram, go follow @theCPblogger for updates (And there is a link at the bottom as well)
Dos- I am FINALLY on Easter break whoop-whoop!
Tres- we've only gone and got 6k views.....PARRRRRRRTTTTTYYYYYYYY. THANKS YOU LOT!
Now lets get on with this...
Okay, so before I properly started blogging, I entered a writing competition and nothing really came about it; so the other day I was looking at my entry and well its quite something. All I'm going say is that we were given the brief it had to be based on an experience or opinion.......
Just because I’m disabled it doesn’t means I’m thick
or a baby!
Ok then, as a 12 year old
disabled girl, who goes to a mainstream school, I’m going to get bullied,
aren’t I? So far, in my eventful life, I haven’t been constantly bullied, as
I’m very fortunate to have brilliant friends who stick up for me; it’s not
really that bad. Yes, I may have a psycho arm, which is ruthless and without me
controlling it - most of the time – it hits people without warning (which is
thanks to my cerebral palsy!) I have to have a bulky wheelchair that gets me a
lift pass, which to be completely honest with you is one of the perks of being
disabled, but yet having the chair means I have to leave for classes earlier to
get to them on time-so it has its positives and negatives. For me, it’s not
that big of a deal because ‘I just shake it off, shake it off’. Sorry for the
Taylor swift reference, I couldn’t stop myself!
So, the one thing that really
bugs me about school, is the fact that people automatically, without even
thinking, assume that I’m thick or I’m a big baby. This is because in my
profile, it says in big… bold… letters SEN. The easiest way to describe what
SEN means is, that I am disabled! When people see these three letters they
normally start treating me like a toddler, I’m a year 8 pupil for the record,
stop treating me like a freaking baby!
For example, way back in year
6, our teacher was working with my table and we were doing about ww2 evacuees.
I was working by myself, not struggling or anything, but she still came and sat
next to me. I thought to myself “well this feels a bit intimidating and strange
but ok, I’m fine with Miss ****** sitting that close to me whilst I work.” (I’m
not saying her name and also it isn’t a swear word that I use as nick name for
her either! Promise!). So I carried on working. When I was starting to do the
arty bits she asked me “Oh Ruthie, let me help you with that.” She proceeded to
move my work nearer her; in my head I was thinking, “Oh hell no!” but I said
instead “Oh I can cope on my own thanks.” Came out. And I slid my work back.
You may think that was just her trying to help me, but the thing that got me
was later that lesson I showed her the work and miss ******* said “you are such
an inspiration Ruthie, I couldn’t be as motivated as you.” Or something along
those lines, which would be fine and I wouldn’t be offended. However, the tone
of her voice, which was sort of patronising ‘as if I just went on the potty and
did a wee’ well done voice, one where she spoke slowly as though I couldn’t
understand her! Like why? I’m not a 2 year old. That’s a memory that I’ll
remember because it’s the first time I felt someone was patronising me.
Many people, don’t think some
people have a disability if it is not a physical one, such as dyslexia, but as
soon as they are told that you have a disability, the patronisation starts.
1800 babies are born in the UK, a year, with cerebral palsy. It is individual
to the person, so it can effect on side of the body (called Hemiplegia), it can
effect one limb (called Monoplegia) and many more. There are different
strengths of each type of cerebral palsy so it can sometimes only affect a
child’s speech. This is unnoticeable until the child starts to talk. People,
such as teachers, wouldn’t treat people with a disability which is not
noticeable differently, so why treat people with a disability that is
noticeable like 2 year olds!
Do you want to know why I
think people have this idea, that if a person has a disability then they should
be treated different to the norm? Well when you think about disabilities you
see the differences between a person with a condition and one without that
condition. You don’t see the similarities, so in theory in a social situation,
you know that the person is different so thus treating him/her not in the same
way as ‘normal’ person. There is one
question that I think we need to know the answer to. What is the definition of
normal? For all we know, having a disability is normal! But there is a flaw,
no-one knows, at first, what the person’s capabilities are resulting in you treating
them like they are younger than they are. This is fine until the point when you
know what their capabilities are, but you still treat them like they are
younger because it is easier or you don’t have an understanding of how they
work. Then it turns into discrimination or patronisation which isn’t right. So
just because we are disabled don’t treat us any different to other people!
I don't even know what this is, you can tell I was new at this. I think we can all say this was my first rant. Oh and shout out to my best friend who edited this for me, I AM SO SO SORRY.
blog Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecpblogger/
This is so cringe I can't say much more.
Happy Easter
Byeeeeeeeeeee
Sunday, 20 March 2016
Achievements vs Ableism
Hi,
Okay then, so I've been meaning to post something about this for a while now and I've finally found some motivation from somewhere so I might get on with it.
As a PWD, it makes me deeply uncomfortable how quick we rattle off our personal accomplishments for the sake of impressing our able bodied or disabled peers. Why do we, in the 21st, supposed 'equality' fuelled era, anticipate that an achievement such as 'I went to the shops without a carer' won't be treated seriously and congratulated,as it's something society expects everyone to be able to do.
It's perfectly fine to be proud of your achievements or milestones, but you shouldn't have to prove how "non-disabled" you are to gain social legitimacy or praise.
And as for the disabled community, Distancing yourself from negative,uncomfortable or socially-unaccepted disability clichés belittles many PWD who don't have the level support or don't have the ability/stamina to accomplish what you may of done. It's just as important to acknowledge that disabled people that are home bound or live in poorer nations are just as valid as the ones who travel the world with countless degrees.
So in short I'm saying that disabled legitimacy shouldn't be Dependent upon conforming with ableist expectations on life experience and productivity.
Byeeeeeeee
Okay then, so I've been meaning to post something about this for a while now and I've finally found some motivation from somewhere so I might get on with it.
As a PWD, it makes me deeply uncomfortable how quick we rattle off our personal accomplishments for the sake of impressing our able bodied or disabled peers. Why do we, in the 21st, supposed 'equality' fuelled era, anticipate that an achievement such as 'I went to the shops without a carer' won't be treated seriously and congratulated,as it's something society expects everyone to be able to do.
It's perfectly fine to be proud of your achievements or milestones, but you shouldn't have to prove how "non-disabled" you are to gain social legitimacy or praise.
And as for the disabled community, Distancing yourself from negative,uncomfortable or socially-unaccepted disability clichés belittles many PWD who don't have the level support or don't have the ability/stamina to accomplish what you may of done. It's just as important to acknowledge that disabled people that are home bound or live in poorer nations are just as valid as the ones who travel the world with countless degrees.
So in short I'm saying that disabled legitimacy shouldn't be Dependent upon conforming with ableist expectations on life experience and productivity.
Byeeeeeeee
Wednesday, 16 March 2016
Reminder :) :
Hi,
Today I've been seeing a lot of posts on my social media reminding the reader that they always need to strive to work harder than they all ready are.
I just want to remind you lot that working hard all the time, for some, its just not possible. Some people burn out easily. Some are PWD, both mental and physical, that keep them from accomplishing as much as they think they should.
Sure I agree we should all work hard,but ONLY as hard as you know you can. Push yourself, but please don't push yourself to your absolute edge if its dangerous for you to do so. Remember a little bit of work every day adds up. Don't beat yourself up if you can't exert yourself to the level everyone else says you should.
Remember, that whatever pace you go, you're still talking steps in the right direction.
Byeeeeeeeeeee
(P.s PWD = People with disabilities)
Today I've been seeing a lot of posts on my social media reminding the reader that they always need to strive to work harder than they all ready are.
I just want to remind you lot that working hard all the time, for some, its just not possible. Some people burn out easily. Some are PWD, both mental and physical, that keep them from accomplishing as much as they think they should.
Sure I agree we should all work hard,but ONLY as hard as you know you can. Push yourself, but please don't push yourself to your absolute edge if its dangerous for you to do so. Remember a little bit of work every day adds up. Don't beat yourself up if you can't exert yourself to the level everyone else says you should.
Remember, that whatever pace you go, you're still talking steps in the right direction.
Byeeeeeeeeeee
(P.s PWD = People with disabilities)
Tuesday, 1 March 2016
I'm fed up
Hi,
I'm fed up. I'm fed up with having a psycho arm, I'm fed up with pain dictating what I can and can't do and I'm fed up of have teachers talking down to me because of this and not understanding. Ughhhhh I've had enough.
Today I made a promise that I'm not sugar coating anything anymore 'cause what's the point? Why hide what you feel like and then nothing happens to change it? I don't care if its going to change what I'm like- I need to start being real.
To be honest I feel sorry for some of my teachers. Like they put so much effort into lesson planing and then they have to change it all to be inclusive and it's like a rush of panic to their brain, and it's all because of me- the one that has to do things differently. I bet they hate changing the lessons because they are stretched thinly enough with this stupid government in charge. Honestly I take my imaginary hat off to them.
Today I realised that pain really decides whether or not I can do something. Like I've noticed it for a while now but what really scares me is that at the end of the day I 'can't wait' - not the right way to put it- to have a paracetamol to stop it. I mean I'm 12 years old not 88 why is it that bad? I shouldn't need it like that. Now before you all think yeah but I have a disability and stuff but do you really think that I want to be different- I have that enough already.
And you know what I'm so stubbornly ashamed about? Sitting out in stuff like PE. I know it's the stubborn cow side of me but I feel like I'm waste doing it. I should be doing what everyone else is in my head I can and it's not like I'm using the disability card to get out of it, it's just the claw of pain pins me down and I can't. I absolutely hate it because for me, I would never want to get out of something at school, yes I'm a geek, teachers pet or whatever but I enjoy learning, so sitting out is so out of character in my head. I'm not one to have many worse enemies but for the few I do have I wouldn't even wish it on them. So that's what it really feels like.
It's funny that my best mate thinks I'm upset all the time, nah it's just pain.
Wow that's a rant and a half (wasn't meant to be) !
Byeeeeeeeeee
I'm fed up. I'm fed up with having a psycho arm, I'm fed up with pain dictating what I can and can't do and I'm fed up of have teachers talking down to me because of this and not understanding. Ughhhhh I've had enough.
Today I made a promise that I'm not sugar coating anything anymore 'cause what's the point? Why hide what you feel like and then nothing happens to change it? I don't care if its going to change what I'm like- I need to start being real.
To be honest I feel sorry for some of my teachers. Like they put so much effort into lesson planing and then they have to change it all to be inclusive and it's like a rush of panic to their brain, and it's all because of me- the one that has to do things differently. I bet they hate changing the lessons because they are stretched thinly enough with this stupid government in charge. Honestly I take my imaginary hat off to them.
Today I realised that pain really decides whether or not I can do something. Like I've noticed it for a while now but what really scares me is that at the end of the day I 'can't wait' - not the right way to put it- to have a paracetamol to stop it. I mean I'm 12 years old not 88 why is it that bad? I shouldn't need it like that. Now before you all think yeah but I have a disability and stuff but do you really think that I want to be different- I have that enough already.
And you know what I'm so stubbornly ashamed about? Sitting out in stuff like PE. I know it's the stubborn cow side of me but I feel like I'm waste doing it. I should be doing what everyone else is in my head I can and it's not like I'm using the disability card to get out of it, it's just the claw of pain pins me down and I can't. I absolutely hate it because for me, I would never want to get out of something at school, yes I'm a geek, teachers pet or whatever but I enjoy learning, so sitting out is so out of character in my head. I'm not one to have many worse enemies but for the few I do have I wouldn't even wish it on them. So that's what it really feels like.
It's funny that my best mate thinks I'm upset all the time, nah it's just pain.
Wow that's a rant and a half (wasn't meant to be) !
Byeeeeeeeeee
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